Umkhetha Akhakhali (The initiate doesn’t cry)

Umkhwetha Akakhali is the beginning of my return — a spiritual and cultural homecoming after walking away from Christianity and the identity it imposed on me. Following *Sins of Divinity*, where I confronted the tension between faith and freedom, this piece marks the first step into rediscovering who I’ve always been beneath the layers of doctrine.

The title means “The Initiate Does Not Cry,” and it speaks to my own experience of *ukwaluka* — the sacred Xhosa rite of passage into manhood. In that space, we are taught to endure in silence. But through this work, I allow the canvas to speak the things I could not say, to cry the tears I wasn’t allowed to shed.

At the heart of the piece is the bull, representing the AmaMpondomise people — the tribe I descend from. The AmaMpondomise are known for their strength, spiritual insight, and fierce connection to heritage. Including the bull in this work is my way of honouring that lineage, calling on the strength of my ancestors, and grounding myself in who I am beyond western labels.

The flowing blue water symbolizes the tears that cleanse — not of pain alone, but of transformation. These tears wash away my boyhood and everything that came with it. They cleanse the shame, the confusion, the fear — and make room for a clearer, stronger version of myself.

This piece is not just about initiation — it is initiation. It’s a process of remembering, of healing, of reclaiming my voice and my roots. In Umkhwetha Akakhali, I become again. Not as I was told to be, but as I truly am.